Maggots, Macrobiotics, and Matsumoto

This week we had a fun alliterative weekend.

To backtrack, last week just before Alan arrived I had "fun with fruit flies".  I've tried to be hyper vigilant about keeping the kitchen and trash area clean, and as I was super cleaning in preparation for Alan's arrival I found a science-fiction worthy hive of fruit flies.  It's very hot here, as anyone in Japan can attest to, and without air conditioning the trash is a breeding ground of nasties.  I vacuumed, mopped, swished, swatted and otherwise brutally destroyed the fruit fly habitat and thought the situation was under control.

Not so.... oh, definitely not so.  Sunday we had fruit flies: the next generation.

Yes, maggots.

How can something so small be so yucky?

I know it's completely irrational to dislike maggots more than bigger creepy things... I do fine with snakes, large spiders, mutant cockroaches... but maggots.  <Shudder>  My worst nightmare is waking up to an apartment filled with maggot-covered rats.  Creeptastic.

Rat tailed maggot.  Please kill me now.

Letting go of violent tendencies.

So began the crazy cleaning round two, this time employing chemical bug destroying spray I rarely ever use because I suspect karma will come around and kill me with cancer from the fumes.  We also have fly tape, a garbage lid bug zapper, *and* a poisonous floor bug playground.  Bugs: you WILL die!

On a happier note, we had a very tasty lunch with the other local ALTs  at a macrobiotic restaurant called Gen in Matsumoto city.  We narrowly missed the lunch after getting lost by the station .

I ask you... is it logical that the one place in the entire town where loads of foreigners will be coming in--i.e., the train station--is the one place they decide to *end* all of the signs in romaji?  Really?

Apparently, it must be so.  As we got hopelessly lost one the wrong side of some small stream after being unable to find the correct road away from the station.   To top it all off, we returned to our parking spot at the high school to find ourselves locked in.  Then, we sat in traffic in a bazillion degree heat for ... forever.

But I digress.

We had a very tasty lunch, and the ones in charge were kind enough to alert the restaurant to my embarrassing soy allergy on top of my other food restrictions, so I was happily able to eat everything served!
However, Alan's soy-filled plate was much prettier, so take a look and start salivating!

All vegetarian lunch at Gen

Only bummer was the desserts were tofu extravaganza, so obviously out for me.  Oh well, I'm sure it was tasty to those who could partake.

Overall, a nice weekend, though we will never drive in Matsumoto ever again.  It seemed silly to pay 1000 Y for us both to take the train round trip when we could drive... but it's also silly to get locked into a parking lot and almost die of heat stroke sitting at the longest stop lights ever invented.  You live you learn.

Back to School Blunders

So... just like most of the world, we are back to school here in Japan.

Unlike the U.S., Japan starts the beginning of its new semester with pomp and circumstance.  Speeches and ceremonies are the name of the game.  Having successfully given a speech in Japanese at two different schools, I thought perhaps the school year was off to a good start.

blah blah blah in Japanese.:)

Then, I met my new arch-nemesis... the electronic dictionary (cue some lame, ominous sounding music.... here.)

I think it has a diabolical plan to ruin every relationship I try so hard to develop with my co-workers.

It's first meeting with me was harmless... or so it seemed.  Innocently meeting with the three highest ranking people in my school, it ventured out of my principal's pocket to helpfully translate a burning question.

Very seriously and carefully, my principal read what the dictionary dutifully printed, and asked me, "WHAT is your PROBLEM?"  in perfectly inflected English.  After staring at him like a deer in the headlights for a good five seconds, I busted out laughing.  

As soon as I started, I hastily tried to cover up my error by apologizing in every way I could think of repeatedly in Japanese.  I think my face was as red as that man giving a speech up above.  My principal cocked his head sideways and stared at me impassively, with no response or cues given from the other two men present.

It took all of my considerable self control not to start crying on the spot.  Awkwardly, my principal went back to his desk and the other two gentlemen made to act busy by shuffling papers purposefully while we continued to wait for my late English teacher.

What I was doing in my head...

Today, the little electronic bastard reared it's ugly head again at lunch, as I flew solo without any English speakers present during lunch with the other teachers in the teacher's room.  

For some strange reason, no one ever just tries to speak English to me, or even Japanese.  They automatically resort to the electronic dictionary.  I think it has brainwashed them, or sends electronic subliminal messages every time you look at it.  I can think of no other explanation for the addiction.

So randomly, with no context whatsoever, one of the teachers hands me the translator with this translation, "cash gifts for condolences."  

I stare at them, wondering why the he** I am given this random message.

Then, it occurs to me that one of the staff's family is very ill, and probably will pass this week.  I ask in Japanese if the money is for him.  They nod yes.  I ask how much, and they tell me.  Then, I ask if I should give it to him myself, or if we are all giving it to them together.  This was a bad translation, and no one understood.  

When lunch was finished, I asked the nurse to come view what I had typed on Google translator.  She immediately started laughing hysterically and called every other person in the vicinity over to witness this massively hilarious Japanese translation.  

I asked her why it was so funny, and she apologized and walked away, along with everyone else.

I am left sitting at the desk feeling slightly offended and mostly confused about who the heck I am supposed to be paying money to now, if anyone.

No one talks to me the rest of the day, and I finally grab my English teacher to ask what that was all about.

Turns out, it had nothing to do with anyone.  They were simply asking for money for the tea and snacks we have every morning.  I know the word for tea, food, to pay, money, etc. in Japanese!  In a slightly irritated manner, I asked my English teacher to please ask the staff to speak to me in Japanese, as I explained to him what the electronic dictionary had decided was the appropriate translation.  He too, started laughing, and said he would apologize to them for me.  

Yes, I am very sorry I don't understand bad English translations from evil, manipulative electronic devices.  

Sigh.                                                                                                                             

Time in a Bottle...

Though today was full of the seemingly endless little frustrations that keep popping up, the most important part of today was that after everything, I had a revelation.

This is my brain on revelation.

No, not a biblical, going to save the world revelation.  

Just a tiny, small, itsy bitsy Sarah size revelation.  (Not that any of those words describe me.:)

I was almost brought to tears over my silly Vitacost order that cost me over $200 (yes, I know) and of which I currently have less than half.  I was so excited, literally dancing down the walkway leading the delivery man to my door.  That performance earned me the typically stoic Japanese "non-expression", but I was so happy I didn't mind.

Then ---POP!  Bubble exploded everywhere, making my whole apartment full of icky sticky badness.  I mean, what am I supposed to do with salsa and no tortilla chips?  Peanut butter, chocolate chips, but no graham crackers--how can I make my delicious peanut butter, chocolate and graham cracker delights?  All the ingredients for chili except the chili beans?

Recipes schmecipes--useless without ingredients.

I decided to take out my frustration yoga style, with my favorite teacher, Kathryn Budig.  90 minutes later, I was still upset, so I headed out as the sun was setting for a walk through the local shrine and temple.

I power walked down the hill towards the narrow road leading to the shrine.  Typically, I walk about an hour later, and the shrine is very dark.

Tonight, the light hit everything just right, illuminating small nooks and crannies and making everything luminous despite the marker and masking tape handball signs irreverently slapped onto every building and statue.

I slowed my pace, and braved the bugs and walked in between and around every building and statue. I slowed down and observed the worn down writing and glimpses of paint I had not noticed before.  Before I knew it, I was calm and smiling.

As I walked back with the setting sun shining on the neighborhood flowers and gardens, I realized that this is exactly what I've ever wanted.

Time.  Time to sit at shrines and do nothing but admire their beauty, and wonder at their history.  Time to spend 90 minutes doing yoga.  Time to communicate with friends and family I have not been good to over the years.

Maybe, at the end of my time in Japan, I will finally have accomplished what I have always hoped for--peace.

Oh, and the ability to levitate.

On the other hand, I could get so blinking lazy I come to the U.S., am unable to function in the hectic, fast-paced environment, lose my job and live in a homeless shelter for the rest of my life.

Just giving fair value to all possibilities.:)

Soon-to-be Pensioner....

So... this weekend I had an amazingly difficult realization.

I am old.

Officially.

This is what I sound like singing. 

I went up to Nagano City for Prefectural Orientation, and had a nice time afterwards at our welcome party.  Feeling a little ill after a bout with soy, I rationalized turning down the invitation to karaoke and beer as simply a smart decision to help me with recovery.

Instead, I headed out with a group of "neighbors" and a few people from down south in search of dessert in the pouring rain. After meeting an extremely rude Japanese lady at Seiyu while buying an umbrella --she literally took money out of my hand and criticized me for paying with too large of coins--we finally found a place that was open and had dessert.

I left with two others to check in to the hostel.  Though almost every single toilet was out of order and the room serving as the bathroom had holes in the wall and miscellaneous storage items, I managed a shower and settled onto my bunk.

The two other girls sharing the dorm with me showed up around 1:45 a.m.  The first one I cannot fault, as she was very quiet, kept the lights off, and overall respectful.  The second one, however, made all sorts of noise, shined light around, and spent a good half hour groaning, turning around and texting.

After I finally fell back asleep around 3 a.m., people started waking up and leaving around 4 a.m.  Shouting down the hallways, making all kinds of thunks.  Seriously?  I fell back asleep around 5, and slept for about another hour before the next wave of loud, inconsiderate people thunked their way out of the hostel.

Finally, I called it quits just after 7:30 a.m., stripped my bed and headed out to Starbucks.

 Starbucks is a foreigner mecca.

Now, I am left crabby, nauseous and sore from lack of sleep.  Worst of all, I am upset that I couldn't handle sleeping in a hostel like millions of people do every single year without complaint--in much worse conditions than mine.

And then, through the thick fog of cappucino foam... I realize... I am too old for this shit.

No, I cannot keep up with my twenty-something drinking buddies, because I cannot afford the longer recovery time my aging body now requires.

I cannot get by on three hours of sleep in the middle of a mass of unknown humans making noise at all hours of the night.  My wrinkling, dried up husk of a skin needs its 8 hours of beauty sleep.

I also no longer can live out of a backpack for days at a time, moving from place to place on a whim.  Like a nice strong Depends, my psyche needs the comfort and security of home in case an emergency arises.

Piggy banks, Nagano Style.

Lastly... perhaps most sadly of all... I have become my parents and am too worried about the bills I must pay to arbitrarily spend money on things like late night binge drinking karaoke parties no matter how much fun they may be.   After all, I should probably start saving for retirement soon.

Though those that know me have probably realized all of these things for some time, I appreciate you letting me live my delusion for a few precious moments longer.  But, the first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem... so I will very maturely celebrate my older self by dancing around the apartment singing "I'm 30 and I Know it!"

Watch out karaoke... I'm saving you for my first mid-life crisis.

Life in the Left Lane

I think I can, I think I can...

Today I accomplished my first solo drive in the left lane about 20 minutes or so to a little town called Hotaka.  Aside from the fact that everything *inside* the car is backwards, driving on the left side of the road is not so bad--as long as you ignore the "gaijin traps", deep, open gutters on the side of the road that my poor depth-perception makes me think I am a lot farther away from than I really am.

After I turned on every single thing on the car *except* the blinker, I finally realized that everything is on the opposite side of where I would expect it. Shifter on the left, blinker on the right, wipers on the left, lights on the right.  No, I never claimed to be intelligent.

Now, to master backing into parking spaces, as it seems this is the accepted way to park.  Hmmm.

The end result of my happy trip to Hotaka was shopping at the Seiyu.  Granted, I was headed for the *Toyoshina* Seiyu, rather than the Hotaka Seiyu... but as long as I have food and didn't get completely lost, I say... what's the diff?

http://www.seiyu.co.jp/food/  Check out Seiyu here!

Love, love, love....

For those of you who don't know, Seiyu is an amazing place full of lots of American foods people told me I could not get here.  Like peanut butter.  And Reese's peanut butter cups.  And cookies.   And huge bottles of Coke Zero.  And real, non-funkily topped pizza.  Just thinking about what is currently nestled in my cupboards makes me smile contentedly.  Ah, Seiyu.

However, I could write a separate blog on the strange, very different things I find parked next to my good ole American peanut butter and pizza.  Like sandwiches with unidentified meat and spaghetti.  Yum.  And every kind of dehydrated, salted mystery creature you can think of compressed in a bag and put on view for your consumption.  Double yum.                                                                                                                                       

Need more hangers...

I finally was brave enough to hang my laundry outside today.  Except the personals.  Just couldn't put my undergarments on display for my soon-to-be students to potentially see.  Sorry.  Now back to looking up one line toasts in case I have to give one at the welcome party tonight... better safe than sorry.