Happy Hour is... now

Seems like no matter what country I go to, this time of year is always a little crazy.  Maybe it's the impending spring, maybe it's just bad karma... but I always feel like my head is going a million  miles an hour as soon as March arrives.

This year I have the added bonus of doing one of my least favorite things in the world... begging for help.  Because my current teaching certification is not good enough, the powers that be are making me get *another* master's degree--this time in TESOL.  I have three classes this semester, all of which, after two months of making me do nothing, have decided to have all major assignments due in the next three weeks.  Yippee!

As part of my guaranteed disaster of a research project, I must ask for survey participants from my colleagues and other unsuspecting ALTs I have access to.  I always feel sorry for people (including telemarketers, as after all, they're just doing a job) who have to beg for your opinion, so I usually help them out.  I think, however, that I am in the minority, as after spreading word of my survey via every facebook group I belong to, as well as private message, I have a grand total of.... 20 responses.  Sigh.

However, every cloud does have a silver lining.  I was surprised that many of my friends and acquaintances *did* return the survey no questions asked, or sent me an apologetic message explaining why they could not.   I was doubly shocked to find out my JTE filled it out as well, as though he is a nice guy, he's often very busy and forgetful.  

Which brings me to the greater questions--why am I so stressed out about asking for help? What's the big deal?  People help you or they don't, all you can do is try right? Why do I take people's lack of helpfulness so personally?

 Every position I've ever had, whether in politics, business, or education, I've been criticized for not "taking partners" or "forming a team".   Fear is what stops me from asking anyone to help me, as perhaps it's my own insecurity about not being "worthy" of helping, or what others' opinion of me might be... but to feel that people aren't doing something just because of your horribleness, isn't that a little bit of ego as well?

All I know is, yoga, meditation, exercise, and chocolate aren't helping slow my racing thoughts.  So... happy hour it is.  That bottle of wine over there is just calling my name...