If my life were a sitcom...

If my life were an episode of 30 Rock, people would think it was hilarious, and I would be a lot happier too, because I'd be making bank.  To actually live such a life, however, is proving challenging.

I will offer a big fat disclaimer right now... I'll even put it in capital letters to stave off anyone who wants to attack me because they have *serious* problems... I DO NOT CLAIM TO HAVE ANYWHERE NEAR LIFE THREATENING OR TV MINI SERIES WORTHY PROBLEMS.

Ok?:)  But, I'm sure all of us have had days that just pushed you over the edge.  Days where you want to just curl up in the fetal position and hum quietly to yourself.  And what's even worse, is when the things that are pushing you over the edge *aren't* life threatening or really all that important in the grand scheme of things.  That's just fuel for the fire.

For example, today.  Recently, the cat has been doing a lovely impression of a small human baby by waking up for long periods of time at all hours of the night wanting to play and cry.  So, every morning, I'm just happy to make it off the futon and upright.  After accomplishing this feat today, I stumbled around got dressed, and moseyed over to heat up the coffee.  As I was throwing away the coffee grounds, I noticed the trash bag still in the trash can. *&*^%$%^&!  It's trash day today, and the trash is still there.  I give up on coffee and breakfast, gather my bags together, shoulder the trash, and trudge as fast as I can to the trash hut.  I arrive at work on time and delivered the trash on time, but have had no caffeine or food.

Discovering our first period English class has been taken over by the first grade teacher for an extra first grade meeting, I used my now free period to correct notebooks and review the course map for the drivers test.  I heat up some tea and find a stale granola bar, so things are looking up.

As I was power walking to work today, I noticed there is a bunch of construction in front of the bus stop I need to take to meet A in Akashina to go to the drivers test.  My JTE helpfully calls the bus company, and confirms that I can just stand in front of the school and wave, and the bus will pick me up.  I go out to do just that, and then read on the bus sign that the bus already came 5 minutes earlier.  Both bus schedules in the teacher's room were wrong, and I have missed the bus.  The next one is in an hour.

I make some phone calls, trying to find out if anyone is available right at that moment to take me to Akashina.  Yep, sure are a lot of people going to be available at 10:45 a.m. on Friday.  But, I had to try.  We only have one cell phone, and guess who has it... me!  So I have no way to get a hold of A.  Finally deciding he will eventually call when I don't get off the bus, I start walking towards Akashina, thinking the further I get, the less far he will have to drive when he does realize I'm not coming.  I have a suit , two bags, and it's hot as hades.

After making it through the big tunnel nearing the edge of Ikusaka, the nice lady from the BOE pulls over on the opposite side of the road and starts shouting at me.  My friend also messages me and tells me she's going to leave her workplace and come get me, and immediately after that, A calls and asks me where the heck I am.

First, I hop across the highway, and bow profusely to the nice BOE lady who is offering to drive me the rest of the way to the station.  Then, I message my friend, and lastly I talk to A.  When it rains, it pours.  This moment, right here, is the highlight of my day.  I am very grateful for the good people in my life.

After I arrive at Akashina, I discover A has forgotten to put the coordinates for the drivers testing center in the GPS.  This eventuality had occurred to me, because I forgot to confirm with him that he did it.  We have no idea where we are going.  Luckily, he has a PDF with all the names of the driving centers, and finds a phone number.  Using the phone number, we now have coordinates, and can now know where we are going.

We inch through traffic on route 19, get lost down a farm road, and eventually arrive in the parking lot of the testing center.  Nowhere in any of the websites I looked at did it tell me what to do when I arrived.  I was completely unprepared for the rows of windows and the mass of people milling about.  I knew it was lunch hour, so no business would be going on.  We did find the correct window, which was actually not brain surgery, as not only did it have the name in English, but we also actually recognized the kanji-- but there are no numbers or any sort of line.  We sit down and look confused with everyone else.


A man comes out and points to a stack of papers and tells everyone to take one.  Not sure if this applies to us, I take two for us, worried because I thought all I had to do was fill out my address and I can't read most of the paper.  While this was going on, a rather irate man had been yelling at me from a different window.  I throw down the papers and run up the window.  He wants all of our papers, so A comes up and we start handing them over.  He asks me if I have something whose name I don't recognize.  After he describes it, I understand he wants a certificate of residency from the village office.  I told him I don't have it, because I didn't know I had to bring it.  Then, he repeats back to me "you didn't know" in a voice about as patient as American drivers license employees, grabs a sheet in English and Japanese, and prepares to lecture me about how the residency certificate is the most important thing I have to bring, *then* I should worry about bringing all the other things.  At this point, I am unfortunately crying at the window and everyone is staring at me.   He shoves the papers at me, and asks me when is a good time to come back, because we can't take the test today.  We get our appointment for the following Friday, and I run out of the office.

I have been preparing for this *^&$#^* test for months.  It has been nothing but a giant ball of stress hanging over my head, and we've had to cancel once because our paperwork from America took almost a month to arrive.  Nowhere in all my preparation did I read that we had to have a certificate of residency.

Here's all the things I *did* bring to the testing center:
passport     residence card    insurance card     drivers license    international driving permit      a lot of cash
translation of our drivers licenses      translation of our driving record        driving record       2 page explanation in Japanese of how we got our American licenses      Handwritten explanations in Japanese for every possible eventuality I could think of              course map              Rules of the Road      Course tips
Iaido forms book for wait time          Japanese dictionary         nice shoes        

It takes over 2 hours to get to the drivers center from our village, and requires almost a full day of nenkyu (vacation time).  Because A has less nenkyu than I do, he dropped me off at the bus stop in Akashina and went back to work.  I didn't want to wait 2.5 hours for the next bus, so I walked to Komeri and bought a bike.

Everything was going ok with the bike until I realized I didn't know how to work the kickstand.  The nice gentleman who checked the bike had already left, and I looked up to find an old man staring at me.  I asked him in Japanese how to make the kickstand go up.  He turned to the sales clerk at the register and said, "she doesn't understand how to do it, hahahaha".  They both looked at me, and then the clerk checked him out.  So, I carried the bike out, because with the kickstand under the wheel, I couldn't wheel it out.  The two at the register laugh again.

This kickstand is not for kicking.

I'm now standing in the parking lot realizing if I can't get this damn kickstand up, I will not only be walking back to Ikusaka, but I will also be carrying a bike.  Finally, another old man returns from the parking lot with his cart.  I look up and ask him how to do the kickstand.  He also laughs at me, but shows me.  He says, "not with your leg" and he pulls a lever up and the kickstand loosens.  I bow deeply, and am about ready to cry again, so I decide to hop on the bike and ride away before everyone in the prefecture thinks I'm crazy.

Riding a bike is a helluva lot faster than walking, so I make it back to Ikusaka before the bus would even have picked me up in Akashina.  Once I figure out how to adjust the seat, it will be a good investment I think... except for the fact I bought the cheaper bike without gears, which wasn't the best idea when one lives in the mountains.  At least I got a good workout.

Pick your battles people.

Determined to get this stupid residency certificate, I park the bike and walk to the yakuba, because usually I am at work when it is open.  I tell the man at the counter I need a residency certificate for both me and my husband.  He gives me only one form.  I now realize that the top part of the form was the name of the requester, and the bottom part of the form was whose certificate you were requesting.  But, not reading kanji well, I simply filled in where it said address and name.  10 minutes later he hands me a certificate with only A's name on it.  I stop and am prepared to ask... then realize A's name was the name I had put in the certificate box, not mine.  Too tired to explain that I made a mistake and I need mine too, I trudge out of the office and cry the rest of the way home.

Brat cat greets me at the door meowing her head off as usual.  I throw everything on the ground, too tired to put anything away, change out of my sweaty clothes, and plop down on the couch. Brat cat climbs up on my tummy and starts licking the tears off my face and purring up a storm.  Begrudgingly, I smile at her.  After all, this is why many of us have pets... because they are always there for us when we are down, and listen when no one else will.  Even now, she is sitting nicely on the couch while I vent on this page, rather than biting my feet or meowing at me to play as she usually does.  Animals have great intuition... and I am grateful for them too.

My baby kitty knows when we need love.:)