Hanukkah Japan style

People have told me that they never started celebrating their family's traditions until they had children.  I think the same can be said of moving to a foreign country.

We now have a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, 3 stockings and tonight, lit our very first ever menorah.  We have celebrated Jewish holidays tangentially with Alan's family, but now that we are so far away, we have some strange urge to celebrate everything on our own.  I guess it's because things are so different here, the festivals so unfamiliar... or worse yet, the same festivals but horribly jacked up... like Christmas Valentine's Day.

Akari and us with our Charlie Brown tree

I was warned when I came here not to be too "Japanese".  I didn't understand what they meant.  I just said, "sure, no problem, thanks!"

However, after hitting another new low this week (hooray!)  I realized that I have been doing exactly that... trying to be too Japanese.

In Japanese culture, a foreigner is a foreigner.  I could dye my hair black, wear kimono every day, and speak perfect Japanese and I would always still be a foreigner.

But I have spent all my time stressing over how I might offend someone, worrying about obeying cultural norms, and trying to fit into a culture in which I will always be an outsider.  What's so bad about being an outsider, anyway?

So this weekend, while driving to iaido--an incredibly stressful time, due to constant worrying about offending the seemingly very quiet, reserved people--I decided that in the U.S. I never gave the time of the day to anyone who would judge me harshly or offer unwarranted criticism.  It's as if I came to Japan and had a personality transplant... a present from an uptight *&%&( who never had any fun.  What do I care what people think, as long as I know I have the best intentions and am doing the best I can?  It's inevitable that I will offend people and break cultural norms... and whether I stress out about it or not, in the end, my actions will be the same... humbly apologize and explain the misunderstanding.

With our first real snow lying on the ground right now, I am getting a jump on my New Year's resolutions.  I will no longer bury my personality under a mask of fake inscrutability and spend my free time worrying about how I might have offended someone.  I cannot spend all day quiet, reserved and meek, as that is just not me.   I was hired for who I am, and I will be the person I am... and maybe... maybe... I can teach at least my students to have a little fun every now and then.:)

My mask of inscrutability